Tom Kisken|Ventura
“Listen up, ladies,” called out 78-year-old Barbara Smith.
The only man to turn, I looked up from digging into a threadbaresuitcase stamped with a “damaged” tag from Alaska Airlines. It carried a plaid tablecloth, plastic flowers, two fake blue ribbonsand much more.
The 14 women around me, one lugging a saddle in a red wagon, another toting a model bumper car that doubles as a radio, wheeled to hear, too. We were all there, in the Home Arts building of the Ventura County Fair a day before Wednesday’s opening, for the same reason — to enter a ring of perfectly square tables bordered by a white picket fence and compete.
Our battle involved fair-themed centerpieces, three-tined dessert forks, spoons that should never sit left of the dinner knife and other trappings from the planet of competitive table setting.
I lugged not just the suitcase but also a two-sided chalkboard, bags ofballoons, dinner plates bearing Chinese roosters, scissors, straight pins, phony fair tickets and a crudité server that looked like a Ferris wheel. Left at home were bags of candied peppermints, salted peanuts, Mason jars and apair of helium balloons that wilted much like my sense of perspective.
I had taken a swan dive into madness. It began with two friendly phone calls.
Feeling the pressure
The first came from Maria Hagman, 77, of Moorpark. She told me she was thrilled I decided to compete in the first of the fair’s three table-setting contests. She wanted to send me a book, show me pictures and tell me about thrift stores, bargain shops and the Pier 1 clearance aisle.
It’s the hunt that captivates her and has since she started competing, teaming up with her mother after the Northridge earthquake in 1994. Now her tag-team partner is daughter Theresa Hagman Lawson.
“The fun part is going to the stores and finding these things,” said Maria, estimating the bargains meant her entire display — a seaside reflection complete with a sleek sailboat made of metal — would cost $17.
She suggested I settle first on the color of my tablecloth before hunting for anything else. And I needed to know my menu so I could buy the right plates and silverware.
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Suzanne Farmer called, too. The lifelong Oak View resident grooms Chihuahuas, Akitas and everything in between in a mobile business based out of a white mini-bus. She does cats, too.
When it comes to table settings, she’s a free spirit who plunges full tiltinto designs based on “Alice in Wonderland,” the old 101 Drive-In in Ventura and, for the fair, a rodeo theme that included a rope frozen in air as it circled a wooden post.
She builds some centerpieces by combining toilet paper, linseed oil and drywall mud in what she calls papier-mâché clay sculpting. Sometimes she incorporates diapers into her work.
“I’m usually up the night before at 3 a.m.,” she said. “I work better under pressure.”
She told me to forget about the menu. She told me to shop and explore until I found a theme.
I did. I went to 99 Cents Only, Party City, Pier 1, Michael’s, four downtown Ventura thrift stores, then Dollar Tree.
I trudged five miles through parking lots and stores because I wasn’t finding the carnival-themed items to build upon my wife’s silver appetizer server. But I kept seeing cool things. I pounced on the 99-cent drinking glasses that looked like light bulbs and the plaid tablecloth scored in a late-night foray into Big Lots.
Saturday morphed into Sunday, then Monday.
By my fourth trip to Oxnard’s Party City, I just wanted to be done. I wanted a plain balloon on a stick to replace the helium-filled orbs that were now deflated and dead on my bedroom floor.
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They didn’t have any. But clerk Deanna Ayala listened to my plight and produced a set of red-and-white balloons with one carrying slogan, “Welcome to the Carnival.”
I ran out of the store cradling the balloons like quintuplets. When a gustof wind stole one, I chased it down across the sidewalk. It was my missing link.
Rescued from disaster
A day later, we carted our wares intoHome Arts. Some of the women have done this for years and caught up with each other about the A&W hamburger joint that once stood in Oak View and relatives who died.
Smith, the longtime volunteer running the contest, is a local legend who once took first-, second-, third- and fourth-place ribbons in separate table-setting competitions in the same week. She told us we had an hour.
The women flowed into the ring of 10 tables. Some teamed up with siblings or daughters, with only one of them allowed in the ring at once. The other coached from behind the fence. One woman next to mewore black gloves.
“Fingerprints,” she explained.
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They built small worlds on the square tables, elegant designs of starfish, lighted carnival rides and veil-like fabrics. There were sunflowers, wine glasses and, on Farmer’s blue-ribbon rodeo collection, green bandanas as napkins and a small skull as part of the centerpiece.
I plodded along, softly cursing myself for not bringing more props. The women admired my light bulb glasses and offered tips. Maria Hagman sent over a polishing cloth for silverware and a bottle of Windex.
A moment after we finished, my carnival balloon slumped to the side like I did in Party City.
But when I came back after the judgingand found a fourth-place pink ribbon pinned to my table, the balloon was back in place. Someone rescued it.
I think it was Deanna Ayala.
Tom at the Fair
Staff writer Tom Kisken reports on the Ventura County Fair by cartwheeling into themiddle of it. In more of a decade of writing about the fair, he’s doneeverything, from selling hot tubs while soaking in one to dancing ballerina-style under hypnosis. This year, his game plan includes a lobster corn dog or six, table-setting and a little magic. Follow him at VCStar.com.
Thursday, Aug. 2, at the fair
Hours: 11 a.m. to 11 p.m.; midway opens at noon. No fireworks.
Special admission: Feed the Need food drive. Buy an adult admission ticket, bring five cans of food for FOOD Share before 5 p.m. and get a free return fair ticket valid for Aug. 6-9. Otherwise, admission is$12 for adults 13 to 64 years old, $9 children and seniors.
Entertainment: UB40 featuring Ali, Astro & Mickey, 7:30 p.m. Free with fair admission.
Carnival Wristband Day: Wristbands are sold from opening to 6 p.m. for $30 and are good for unlimited carnival rides until 7 p.m.
Parking: $10
Free shuttles: Pickup and drop-off at the Ventura County Government Center, Ventura High School, Pacific View mall, Harbor Boulevard and Schooner Drive, Ventura Unified School District headquarters, Oxnard Performing Arts Center, Marriott Ventura Beach (parking fee), San Buenaventura State Beach (parking fee).
For more information: https://bit.ly/2Kje82w